


Before and After I heard your voice

by Anca4m



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Even Bech Næsheim, Deaf Character, Deaf Isak, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-11-18 12:18:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11290590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anca4m/pseuds/Anca4m
Summary: Relationship of deaf Isak and Even. Problems (5 episodes) before and after Isak gots Cochlear implantat, +1 when he gets it.





	1. You are deaf!?

**Author's Note:**

> I am sorry I had some problems with last version, so I just update it Again :) sorry!  
> Also I want to let people know more about being deaf, and I also think, that it's good idea for fanfiction of Evak! They are so sweet together, that Isak being deaf won't be problem (or will be?)

**Søndag 20:52**

Isak was only 13 years old, when he suddenly became sick, and that caused the lost of his hearing. Since then, he was deaf.

First few days he couldn’t believe it, he thought that after some time his hearing will come back, that he will hear again, but these days never came. When he realized that his hearing is not coming back, there came a feeling of desperation. He spent days locked in his room, not talking to anyone. He didn’t wanted to go to school, or outside.

Soon he started going on lectures of sign language. It took him a while, his parents and his friends also attended courses. His mother also insisted Isak to work on reading lips. In a way it was for everyone easier to communicate.

Since then Isak closed himself. He didn’t wanted to go outside and meet new friends. He became shy and his best and only friend became Jonas, who he met in school. His mother insisted Isak to go to “normal” school. She said, that being deaf shouldn't stopped Isak from good education. He hated her for that, but also was grateful, not that he would tell her ever that.

Here at school, Jonas introduced Isak new friends. Magnus and Mahdi. All boys learned some of sign language. Isak was really glad for his friends. They tried not to talk over each other -of course it sometimes happened- and if they knew how, they tried to signed, what they said. But sometimes all of them were just way too tired to sign, at these cases, Isak was depend on reading their lips. It wasn’t easy, but for Isak it was only way how to know what’s going on, or at least had an idea.

 

One day boys persuaded Isak to go with them on a party. He didn’t wanted to go. His argument was same as always. _I can’t hear anything._ But this time boys told him, that the party isn’t only about music, but also about being together. After a long persuading Isak agreed to go with them.

 

When they came, Magnus and Mahdi left for beers, Jonas stayed with Isak. “What are we doing here?” he asked Jonas, but he couldn’t hear him. Isak sometimes didn’t know how loud he has to speak. He tried again, just louder. Jonas definitely heard him that time. “That’s too much,” he answered, “Today… we will find you a hook-up.” “Jonaaaas!” “What do you think about that girl?” Jonas said, pointing on girl with brown, short hair. “Her name is Emma.” Isak shaked his head.

_Not her. Not any girl._ Isak still hasn’t told boys, that he is homosexual. And wasn’t planning any soon.

“Why not? She’s sweet.” Jonas said. “So go for her.” Said Isak and turned around, but Jonas didn’t left. “You know,” he signed, “one day you need a wife who’s going to cook for you, wash your clothes..” Isak hitted him in shoulder. “I am a master at that,” he said (he didn’t like to sign in public, unless he had to.) “I can easily do my food and clothes.” “Sure.” Jonas said and waved on some of his friends.

When Magnus with Mahdi came and give them beers, “Sooo,…” Magnus started, “did I already told you about my dream today?” “Oh shut up man!” shouted Jonas. "There was Vilde.." Magnus continued. “I can’t believe we are again talking about this.” “You’re sick!” Said Mahdi. Isak just pat his shoulder. After that boys splitted. Mahdi went to smoke, Magnus was dancing in a middle of room, and Jonas, he was just patiently standing next to Isak.

Jonas was good friend. He was here, when Isak lost his hearing, and he never left him because of it (as some did). He couldn’t imagine how hard it was for Isak, but he tried to let Isak feel more like others were. He asked him to cinema or on concerts, even he knew the answer will be no. He didn’t mind spending days over Isaks house playing games. And mainly, he didn’t want him to feel lonely.

And so he was standing here, next to him. Isak was incredibly grateful for Jonas, and he liked spending time with him, but right now, he felt that it’s not fair to ask Jonas to stay with him whole evening. “You can go,” he said, and Jonas looked on him. “It’s okay. I will go talk to Emma.” He pointed somewhere, where he last saw her. “You sure?” Jonas asked. Isak smiled. “Positive.” He said. “Okay, but if you want, just tell me, okay?” Isak nodded. “Okay man… have fun.” Jonas left, and Isak saw, that he is already having more fun. He smiled and walked… not to Emma, but he headed outside.

He sat on nearest bench and put out his mobile. It was just 20:52. He sighed and closed his eyes. But he had open them immediately, when he felt someone sat next to him on the bench. He was looking on tall boy, with blond hair, backed up and few of disobedient curls, pointing on his forehead.

He saw him before at school. _Even._ _He was beautiful._

Isaks heart started beating faster. “Holla.” The tall boy said, and smiled on him. “Hi,” said Isak, hoping it wasn’t too loud. “Wanna?” Even asked and handed him a joint. Isak hesitated, but in the end he took it. When he started coughing, he saw Even laugh.

They were just sitting here few moments in silent. Isak was still looking on Even, to make sure, he doesn’t miss anything he could say. It didn’t seem, that Even knows about Isak being deaf. And he wanted to keep it that way. Suddenly Even looked on him. Isak felt he started blushing. “So,” Even started talking, “who are you running away from?” Isak frowned. “Running away?” Even smiled, “There’s party inside, but you’re sitting alone here. You have to have some reason, right?” Isak laugh, “No, I am not running, I just wanted to be alone.” “Oh.” Even said. “Should I..?”

_F_ _uck. He didn’t mean it like that. Please, stay._

“No!” said Isak fastly. “Okay.” Even laughed again. _Isak liked seeing him smile._

“Even.” He introduced himself. “Isak.” Even said, ”So Isak, what music do you listen to?” _Fuck. And this is why he doesn’t like to talk with people. Everything is about music._ Isak remembered one group he used listen to. „N.W.A.“ he answered finally. „That’s what get’s you going?“ Even asked with smile. _I wish._ Isak didn’t say anything and just shrugged. “Have you heard of Nas?” “Naa what?” Isak wasn’t sure what Even said. “Nas.” Even repeated. “Naas?” Even laughed. “Yeah. Nas.” Isak didn’t know them. “You should listen to them later.” He said. _Yeah, sure. Someday. If ever._

After that, they started talking about everything. Isak lost track of time, he was happy talking to Even. Sometimes, he had to ask him to repeat what he said, on which Even usually answered with smile “Did you lost your hearing inside?” or „Are you deaf?“. But Isak didn’t say anything, he wanted to feel normal, as other people were, hearing. He was sitting really close to Even, so he could feel his warmth. He was really happy at that moment, but then Emma came.

She touched Isaks shoulder, and he unexpecting her, jumped. Even started laughing. Emma smiled on Isak. “What?” he said little upset, she scared him. “Do you want to get beer?” she asked. She was talking slowly, and articulated. Isak realized, that Jonas had to tell her. He confused looked on Even and then back on Emma. “I..” he started, but Emma was already dragging him inside.

She got them both beers and started talking. She was talking really slowly, articulate, making sure, he understands everything. He kind of hated her for that. He is not a child or an idiot, she can _just talk, as Even._ _When he was talking with Even it was much more adventurous. Isak felt freely, talking to someone, who thought he is hearing as the others._

“What do you think about it?” Emma asked, but Isak find out, that he wasn’t paying attention, and so he just shrugged and look around. _Where is Even? He wanted to see him again, he already missed him. His smile. His eyes. Everything._

But then he saw Jonas, he forgot on Emma and headed to him. He was just talking to some girl, when Isak interrupted them. “Sorry,” he excused to the girl and dragged Jonas on side. “why did you tell Emma I can’t hear?” “Calm down dude!” Jonas said, “What happened?” Isak sighed. “What do you think happened? She’s talking to me,” Jonas interrupted him by pointing finger down. That meant, to be quieter. “She’s talking to me, as if I was a fucking child, or totally dumb.” Jonas laughed. “I am sorry man.” He said. “Can I see it?” “No!” Isak didn’t want to be around Emma anytime tonight. Or ever. Then Isak saw him. Even. He was standing over room, watching him. Isak stopped a beat. He was just staring back at him. Jonas touched Isaks shoulder, to get his attention. “Are you okay?” He asked, when Isak looked at him. “Yeah,” Isak answered, “let’s get a beer.” Jonas nodded and they went. But first, Isak looked back at Even, who was still looking on him. Isak nervously smiled. He was blushing.

Few beers later, Jonas again disappeared and Isak stayed alone. But he didn’t mind, because Even took the opportunity to talk to Isak again.

“Hola.” He said with a smile on his face. “Running again?” he asked. “She doesn’t give up that easy.” Isak said. Even laugh, “Do you want to go dance with me?”. Isak froze. “Næh.” He said. „Why not?“ Isak shrugged, „I am not dancing person.“ Even laughed, „Everyone is.“ He dragged Isak in middle of the room between others. And started dancing, but Isak had no idea what he should do. He couldn't feel the rhytm of the music, because it wasn't loud enough. To give vibrations. So he just stood here. Even laughed on him. "I guess you really are not dancing person."„Can we get out of here?“ Isak suddenly heard himself said. The effect of alcohol has come.

_Fuck. Now he will dismiss. Why do I have to fucked up everything?_

But to his suprise, Even agreed.

They went outside and sat back on the bench. Even wasn’t saying anything, but Isak didn’t mind. The sun was almost down, but the last sun rays hit Evens face, and Isak couldn’t take his eyes of him. „Are you watching everyone so close as you watch me?“ Isak started blushing. „Sorry, no..“ „It’s okay,“ Even interrupted him, „I don’t mind.“ He smiled.

_Isak didn’t want to talk. He just wanted to be there with him. Look at him, but he knew, that it’s not what Even probably wanted._

„You know,“ he said, „it’s okay, if you want to go back on the party. It’s not much fun with me.“ Even looked on him and smiled. „What are you talking about. It’s much better be outside, than inside. As long as you are here.“ _Did he really say it? Does he like him to?_ „Anyway, I think if I stayed on the party a bit longer I’d probably be deaf.“ He laughed, „The songs were so bad.“

Isak suddenly got enough. „What is your deal with being deaf?“ he said, probably louder than he intended, because Even looked suprised. “Nothing, I guess?” “All night you’re talking about it like it was some horrible deal.” Even wasn’t moving. _Great job Isak, now you can forget you will ever talk again._ “I am sorry if I offended you, is anyone closed to you deaf?” Isak chuckled. “Why do you think I am here outside alone, not talking to anyone, why do you think I don’t dance, why do you think I look on you all the time, and every second sentence asking you to repeat it!?” Now he was definitely shouting. He was too angry on Even, that he didn’t notice Jonas walking to them. “Jesus Isak! I am so sorry, I didn’t know..” He tried to touch his cheek but Isak avoided his hand. He shook his head and walked away.

When he left, Even noticed Jonas, who was still standing there. “I am sorry. Really am.” He whispered and left.

 

**Mandag 13:50**

For today, Isak was done with school. He was agreed with boys to go on kebab. Magnus had to go home right after school and Mahdi was sick, so in the end it was just Jonas and Isak.

When they have been eating, on a bench in a park, Jonas looked on Isak. “What?” “Are you okay?” Jonas asked, “I am sorry, we shouldn’t forced you to go there.” “Næh Jonas. It’s not your fault.” Isak said. “He was an idiot, it happens. I am already over it.”

_He wasn’t. Even though he was still upset, he couldn’t stop thinking about him. When he was with Even, he felt happy. But different happy than with Jonas._

"Okay man." Jonas said, "Oh and Emma was asking for you today." Isak stared on him. "What the hell she wanted?" "You should give her one more chance." Jonas said, "I talked to her, and told her how you feel as a children or idiot, and she said she won't next time." "You didn't" Isak was shocked, "Jonas. You. Didn't. Told. Her. That." At that moment Jonas started laughing. "Don't worry, but we talked, and she will try." He raised his eyebrows. "Just give her chance." Isak sighed. "Whatever."

**Tirsdag**

Isak tried to avoid Even at schools, but it wasn’t hard, because it seemed, as if Even was ignoring him too. Isak was glad, because at least, they avoided that awkward situations, but also he hoped, that maybe one day Even will come to him, and talk to him.

He sometimes saw him in cafeteria, but always when Even looked on him, Isak looked away, and vice versa.

 

**Torsdag**

Isak was off school. He was waiting for Jonas, when he saw him talking to Even. Isak was confused. Are they now friends or what?

He pretended not to see what just happened, when Jonas came. But after a while he couldn’t resist.

“Why have you been talking to Even?” he asked. Jonas stopped walking and looked on Isak. “It’s not important.” “So why you stopped walking.” Isak asked, “you only stop when you are serious.” Jonas sigh. “You should talk to him, not ask me.” He said and started walking again. “I am not your messenger.” He signed.

 

**Fredag**

Jonas and boys were on another party, but Isak decided to stay -again- at home. He wanted to study, or read some good book.

Eskild was out and Linne was for a week visiting her parents. Isak was alone. He was sitting in kitchen, all papers put on table, and he was writing Sana on facebook.

 

**Sanasol**

**Hey**

**What was homework for Monday?**

**Why?**

**Is Friday Isak!**

**Please :***

**We have to read the text from the studybook**

**Which page?**

**Seriously Isabela, you need some life**

**Sanasol**

**I am not coming on that party**

**What if he’s there**

**HE is not here**

**Still, he can come later**

**Whatever nerd**

**pg.45**

**Takk**

**:)**

 

 

Isak opened his biology book, and started reading, when his mobile started vibrating. He looked on it. One unread message.

 

**Unknown number**

**Open door.**

**???**

**Who’s that**

**?**

**You won’t find out if you don’t open**

Isak was little scared. Who had his number, and was standing by doors? He looked again on the number, but hadn't any idea to whom it could belong. Maybe Emma? Oh god, he hoped not. He stand up and get to the doors. When he opened them, his heart skipped a beat.

_Even._

Both of them were just standing here, without any word. Even was looking in Isaks eyes, and Isak saw a pain in it, and sadness.

“I, uh…” Even started, “I didn’t know if I have to ring, or knock, because.. you know.” he carefully pointed on his ear. “Oh.” Isak noded. “Next time just ring, I have an app on my mobile… which… lets me know...” Said Isak after while. This time it was Even who nodded.

Then both of them were silent. Again. Isak looked on Even, and then in kitchen. “I..” Isak started, but Even interrupted him.

What he did, took Isaks breath.

Even started to sign.


	2. Turn off the sound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even wants to watch a movie, Isak agrees on one condition.

**Fredag 21:21**

Isak wanted to send Even out and go back to learning, but then happened something, what took his breath.

Even look around, to make sure, they are alone and then he started to sign.

“I am sorry,” he signed first, and looked on Isak, to make sure he understands, “that I hurted you.” He continued. Isak couldn’t breathe, his heart was beating like crazy. “I am sorry for things I said and I hope you will forgive me.” Even let his hands go down and looked on Isak. It was slow, and with some mistakes, but Isak really appreciate this gesture.

“Will you?” Even whispered after short silence. Isak still hasn’t move. But then all of sudden he drew Even to himself and kissed him.  Even kissed him back. Softly but with passion. Isak dragged him inside of the flat and closed doors. Finally.

Isak couldn't stop kissing Even, and Even didn't seem to mind. They kissed with passion, as if they had only chance. Only day. They moved to Isaks room, on his bed. It didn't seem that they would ever stop kissing, but after few hours Isak laid his had on Evens chest and fell asleep. In the end both of them fell asleep, in Isaks bed.

 

**Lørdag og Søndag**

When Isak woke up, he sat on bed and looked around. Second part of bed was empty. There was no sign that Even was here. Isak looked under pillow, if Even hasn't left any notes. But he didn't find anything. As if he dissapeared.Then he looked on his phone.

 

**Eskild**

 

**Eskild:**

**Hei Isak**

**Can you please do laundry today?**

**I promise I will do it next month if you do!**

**Takk!**

 

Isak sighed. That means that Eskild found great companion and is coming back on Sunday.

Isak checked other messages but any from Even.

_Maybe it was just a dream? Even would've never learn sign language just because of him._

Isak lied back in bed, but he couldn't sleep, so he just went to kitchen for some food. Suddenly he froze. Someone was in kitchen.

_Even._

_So it wasn't a dream at all._

Even was cooking eggs, when he turned around. He smiled.

"Godmorgen." He tried to sign, but wasn't sure how. Isak just nodded that he understands. Than Even started signing again but Isak frowned. "I beg your pardon?" He said, confused. Even looked on him. "It was compliment." He said, but from Isaks face he could say something is wrong. "What did I say?!" He asked quickly, with shock in his face. Isak chuckled and walked toward him. When he was standing two steps away from Even he said. "You just signed," now he was standing next to Even, he could feel him breathe. "That I look terrible." Even laughed. "I am sorry." He signed. "I would never said that to you." He said and took Isaks head to his hands. "You're very cute." Even kissed him. "I hope you are hungry, I have made eggs."

 

~~~

_"How do you wake up in morning?" Even asked, "I mean.. Do you also have some app on your mobile?" Isak smiled. "That's also possible, but no," he said and raised his hand, so Even could see his watches. "let me show you the newest invention; watches! And that's not all! On this clever watches is one incredibly clever function, called alarm clock. And so I set a time, when I want to wake up, and than, when the time comes, these incredibly cool watches start vibrating, so I wake up." Even was looking on Isak, who was trying not to laugh. "Are you kidding me? It's lookes like a normal watches." At that moment Isak burst into laugher. "Oh!" Even just figured it out. "Are you kidding me? You're just joking? That's not funny." But Isak couldn't stop laughing. In the end he stopped, when Even leaned over to him and kissed him. "You're cute." he said and stroked his face._

_~~~_

 

After breakfast Isak decided to learn Even some more of sign language. Because after all, only what Even could sign only a few thing. They have been sitting on floor in Isaks room.

"I am already good at it." Even said, "Oh," Isak said, "you mean, to sign that I look terrible?" Even laughed. „Or say godmorgen, and I am sorry, that’s really cool.“ "Okay you got me."

They started with basic, but Even was impatient and wanted more and faster. "How do you sign movie?" he asked, or "how do you sign names?" Isak was patient with him, and showed him all he wanted to know.

Than Even asked him; "How do you sign: I love you?" Isak froze, his heart started beating faster. "I love you?" he asked and Even nodded. "Okay.. there are two ways" Isak pointed on himself, "The first one is just a hand, and you raise thumb, index finger and pinky… in the second way you first point on yourself, than you cross your hands, like this and than you pointed on person you signing about." Isak pointed on Even. "That's it?" "That's it."

Even tried it.

_I love you, Even signed. And Isak loves Even._

 

Then, they have been sitting here, watching each other. In the end Even stood and went to sit next to Isak. He hugged him and kissed him in hair.

After few minutes Even got an idea.

"I want to," he started signing, "movie." Isak smiled, "You want to watch a movie?", he asked. Even nodded.

~~~

_As they have been lying there, Even was looking on Isak. But it wasn’t same look as usually. „What?“ asked Isak in the end. „What what?“ said Even. „Just say it.“ Isak looked on him._

_After a while Even dared to ask. „Do you remember how is it to hear?“ Isak put his head on Evens chest._

_„Sometimes I feel like I do.“ He started. „Sometimes, I have like sounds memories, or sound visions or how to say it. Sometimes when something scares me, or in my dreams, or just when I am walking on street, sometimes I feel like I can hear a sound, but it’s too far. I can’t catch it, I can’t replay it, to really find out howit sounds, but I know it’s here.“ Isak looked on Even, „Does it make sense?“ Even nodded, „It’s like when you know you remember something, but suddenly you can’t remember what it was. But you know it’s there, the idea.“ Even was playing with Isaks hair and when Isak again looked on him, he looked away._

_He didn’t want Isak to see him sad. He wanted to be strong, for him._

_~~~_

„A movie?“ Isak asked, „What movie?“. Even smiled on him. „Romeo+Juliet.“ „Are you kidding me?“ Isak shouted, „So in the end, you are romantic.“ He said with smile. „I..“ Even was nervous, „I am sure there are subtitles… is that okay?“ Isak nodded. „We can watch it,“ he said, „but only on one condition.“ „What is that?“ Even asked.

They have been lying on Isaks bed. Isak founded subtitles for the movie and Even started the movie. „This time,“ Isak looked on Even, „I want you to watch the movie with me, experience it same as I do.“ He said, and turned off the sound.

For Even it was really interesting but also weird situation. He had seen this movie many times, but never without a sound. He knew it’s going to be different, but he couldn’t imagine how much. He found out he can’t remember their voices.

_Human voice is first thing you forget._

When the movie ended, Isak was lying here, with tears in his eyes. „Are you crying?!“ asked Even and hugged him. „I also cried the first time I saw it.“ He said and kissed him in hair. „I am not crying!“ shouted Isak, louder than he expected. Even put his finger on mouth to tell Isak to be quieter.

„How was it for you?“ Isak asked than and Even looked on him. Even started feeling how tears were coming to his eyes. He turned around, he didn’t want Isak to see him cry.

„What’s wrong?“ asked Isak, and touched his cheek, than move it, so he was looking into Evens eyes. „Nothing.“ Even said, and tried to smile. Isak raised his eyebrows. „You know you can tell me everything?“ he said, and softly kissed him.

After a while of lying Even suddenly started talking. „I.. I just,“ he turned his face on Isak, so he could see what is he saying, but he wasn’t looking on him. He couldn’t. „It was just so weird for me, to watch the movie, without all the sounds. I imagined that I don’t even remember the voices… and I mean… three years…“ he paused, „I just can’t imagine how horrible it must have been, when you lost your hearing, and how..“ „Shh,“ Isak stroked his cheek, „hey Even. Look at me,“ but he didn’t. „I don’t want you to be sad, okay? I am fine. I am not sad.“ _Maybe a little. Maybe sometimes. But he couldn’t change it._ Even finally looked on him. „I am sorry.“ He said with sad smile. Isak just kissed him. „It’s okay.“ He said, and put his head on Evens chest. Even was playing with Isaks hair.

 

~~~

_“But you can still talk, and read lips.” Said Even. Isak nodded. “But sometimes I don’t know how loud I have to talk, so sometimes, you don’t hear me at all or I am shouting at you.” Even laughed. “Yeah, I can confirm that.” “Fuck you.” Said Isak and lied on bed. “But we have this rule with Jonas and boys. When I am talking to quiet, they show me thumb up, like facebook “like”, and when is it too loud, it’s thumb down.” Even lied next to him. “You know,” Isak continued, but Even was showing him thumb down. Isak tried to talk quieter, until he stopped talking. “Perfect,” said Even and started kissing him. “Seriously!?” Isak shouted, but he didn’t mind._

_~~~_

For dinner they ordered a pizza, mainly, because Even wanted to see, how does Isaks door app work. After 40 minutes, Even heard a doorbell, and seconds later started Isaks mobile vibrate. “Pizza’s here.” Isak said with smile.

“But still,” Even asked, eating a slice of pizza, “how does the mobile know?” “Let me show you,” Isak started but Even interrupted him immediately, “Seriously, Isak.”. Isak sighed. “It’s Bluetooth. Eskild bought a new doorbell and connected it when I moved here.” He said. “Seriously? That’s it?” Even was smiling, “But still it’s cool.”

When Eskild came, Even was already leaving. Isak didn’t want them to meet, because he wasn’t officially out, but Eskild promised not to tell. Isak kissed Even and said bye. When Even was gone, Isak had to face Eskild, who was way too excited.

“Oh my god!” he was shouting, “my gay baby.” He hugged him. “I want to know everything.” He said, but Isak left to his room, when his phone vibrated.

 

 **Even** **♥**

**Miss you already**

**♥**

**♥**

**Mandag**

 

Isak decided he should tell Jonas about Even, as soon as possible. He went to his locker, when he saw some note attached to his locker. It was a drawing from Even. It was about parallel universes. In this one Even signed ‚You look terrible‘. In another universe Even signed ‚you look beautiful‘. Isak smiled.

 

**Even** **♥**

**Haha**

**Thanks for drawing**

**It’s nice**

**You’re nicer**

****♥** **

****♥** **

Suddenly Jonas was standing next to him. “Monday morning,” he signed, “and you’re smiling??” Isak shrugged. “What’s wrong with you man.” Said Jonas with smile. Than they headed to class.

 

**Tirsdag**

Eskild was asking about Even all the time, but Isak didn’t told him anything. Isak already missed him and wanted to be with him, but they hadn’t time. Today he received a call from hospital, where was his mum. She wasn’t doing well and so Isak planned to visit her.

Even waited for him after school and decided to walk him to hospital. “I am really sorry about your mom.” He said. Isak just kept walking. Even holded his hand, and Isak pressed it firmly. He was nervous. He wanted to tell his mother about Even, but he knew, that she was really religious and wasn’t sure, how she will take it.

They didn’t talk until they were before hospital. “Are you sure you are okay?” Even signed. Isak nodded. He felt tears coming to his eyes, but he didn’t want Even see him cry, so he just turned away and headed to hospital. But Even didn’t let go of his hand, but he drew Isak into his arms and tightly hugged him. Isak melted in their hug, and dipped his head into Evens shoulder. Even kissed his hair and slowly stroked his back. Isak wished they could stay like this for longer, but then he remembered his mother. “I.. I have to go.” He said and got out of Evens arms. “Just ask.” Even said.

_Ask me to go with you._

Isak sadly smiled, raised hand with three fingers and headed to the hospital. But before he entered inside he looked back, Even was still standing here, with his arms crossed and then pointing to him.

_I love you._

Isak smiled. _I love you too._ Then he entered in hospital. His mother was doing better this day. They have been talking/signing about school and friends, when Isak finally decided to tell his mother about Even.

“Mom.” He started, and he was talking, because he wanted his mother to hear it, “I have found someone who I really like.” He said. His mother smiled, “That’s nice Isak! What’s her name?” Isak looked on his hands. “It’s not a girl.” He said quietly. He was too scared to look on his mother. But a short while after, her felt her hand on his cheek, as she moved his head, so she could see his face. “But that is nice Isak.” She said and smiled. “What is his name?” she asked. It took a while Isak to answer. “Even.” “And when will I meet him?”

Isak couldn’t believe it. So he just started crying and lied next to his mother. She was stroking his back and give him kisses on his forehead.

Isak was happy.

 

**Onsdag**

**Even** **♥**

**Hej :***

**How did it go yesterday?**

**Hi!**

**It was nice**

**She’s looking forward to meet you**

**You told her about me???**

**♥**

**♥**

**And don’t plan anything on Friday!**

**Too late**

**Already going on a party**

**Isak**

**Seriously**

**Just kidding**

**♥**

**♥**

After how well it went with his mother, Isak got enough courage to tell Jonas. He invited him after school on kebab.

He was waiting on him before school, when he finally saw him. He waved on him. “Hi!” he said, when Jonas came. “Ready to get kebab?” “Never says no to kebab.” Answered Jonas with smile and they went.

They have been sitting on a bench, eating kebab. Jonas had been talking about some parties, girls and other stuff. At one moment Isak interrupted him. “I have found someone I really liked.” He said and looked on Jonas. “Is it Emma?” Jonas asked. Isak faced shocked. “Are you kidding me?” “I just told you to give her a chance.” Isak shaked his head. “It’s not Emma.” “So just tell me.” “No.” Isak said, “I want you to guess.” “How am I supposed to guess, it could be anyone.” “Okay,” said isak, “I will give you a hint.

_It’s not a girl._

Jonas didn’t seem much surprised. “Is it me?” he asked after a while. “No!” Isak laughed, “No, no not you.” Jonas frowned. “How do you mean it no, no, no? What am I completely unattractive or what?” “No,” Isak looked away and then back on Jonas. “It’s not you.” Jonas nodded, “So what is his name?” Isak took a deep breathe. “Do you remember Even? That guy from the party?”

Jonas stared at him. “No fucking way man!” he shouted, “so you did!” Isak was confused, “Wait.. you have talk to him?” “Man! I gave him your fucking number and address.” Isak was shocked.

_Such a betrayal._

**Tirsdag**

Isak decided to tell other boys that he is with Even. Their reaction was, “Er du homo?” and “Are you pansexual?” after what boys started arguing about meaning of pansexual. Isak was glad, that everyone took it so chill.

“So that means more girls for us.” Said Magnus. Isak smiled, “But that doesn’t mean you will get more of them.” Everyone except Magnust started laughing.

 

**Fredag**

Isak met Even after school. He didn’t want to tell him where they were going. He just took his hand, and headed wherever they were going. After few minutes they were there.

“A cinema?” Isak asked, “Seriously Even?” But Even was only smiling. “What am I missing?” Isak ased and Even pointed on day program. “Mute movie” he signed. It was new sign he learned and he was very proud of it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone volunteers for beta? Please :) feel free to contact me on tumblr: anca4m Takk!


	3. I just want to be, as you are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak get's drunk but Even is here for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you may think, that what I wrote is crazy and impossible, but I am also deaf. I was born deaf, so I can't exactly identify with Isak (who used to hear), but I can explain some of deaf people problems.  
> And yes lip reading is f***ing hard, but I tried to make it "easy" for Isak, so it's easier for the story. :)

**Fredag**

„Mute movie? “Isak asked, „Seriously? “Even was smiling, he leaned to Isak to kiss him, but Isak pulled away. Not that he doesn’t want to kiss Even. Just not here.

They bought tickets and went inside. They didn’t buy popcorn, because Even though it’s just a stupid distraction -to eat while watching movie. Their seats were in the last row of seats.

It was one of the old black-and-white movies, and Isak didn’t enjoyed much, but he didn’t mind. Not as long as he was watching it with Even. Actually, he was paying more attention to Even himself than the movie.

After a while Even looked on Isak and their eyes met. Isak didn’t say anything and just slowly leaned to Even. He kissed him. It was just a peck, but Even kissed him back. And once they were kissing they couldn’t stop.

Isak lifted armrest between them and sat closer to Even.

Cinema wasn’t much crowded and other watchers didn’t seem to pay any attention to them.

Isak suddenly got goose bumps. Even’s cold hand was stroking his back. “You have fucking cold hands.” Isak whispered between kisses. He could feel Even smiling.

“I want you.” Isak whispered after few seconds. Even pulled away from him and look into Isak’s eyes. He smiled and kissed him. “Should we get out?” he asked and pointed to the exit door, Isak nodded.

They basically ran from the cinema. People were confused watching them.

As they were outside, Isak held Even’s hand and gave him fast peck on his cheek. “My place or yours?” he asked. “I live with my parents.” Even said. “So mine.” Isak smiled and dragged Even to his apartment.

The apartment wasn’t so far, but boys stopped on nearly every corner to kiss. _They couldn’t stop. They didn’t want to._

When they got to the apartment, they find out that Eskild is out and Linn as always in her room. They headed straight to Isak’s room and locked doors behind them.

Even pushed Isak against the wall, still kissing him. But then he pulled away from him, stroking his cheeks he asked him “Are you sure.. that you want this?” Isak smiled. “Is it.. am I .. your first?” he asked carefully. Isak kissed him. “Even. I want this. I want you.” He said and pulled his T-shirt, than he helped Even.

Not so long after they moved to Isak’s bed.

 

**Lørdag**

When Isak woke up, Even was lying next to him, watching him. “Good morning.” He signed and gave him a peck. Isak just smiled and stroked his cheek. He couldn’t believe, that it’s real. “I can’t believe you’re real.” He whispered.

Even stroked his cheek. “I am not going anywhere.”

When they finally got from bed, Isak went to kitchen and Even to take shower. In kitchen Isak met Linn. “Mornin’.” She said when she saw him. Isak just nodded. “You look tired,” she constanted, “I guess you also heard Eskild.” Isak frowned. _Shit. Of course, she heard them. Not that he tried to be quiet._

“Uh,” he scratched his hair, “Eskild is home?” Linn noded. “Oh..” _Well shit._

He made a tea and sat next to Linn. Suddenly Eskild’s door opened and he greeted them with smile. “Good morning.” He said, looking on them, but they didn’t answered. “Is everything okay? You look horrible.” Linn frowned on him. “Maybe if you didn’t had sex all night so we could sleep.” She said. Eskild was confused. He laugh. “What are you talking about? I was alone tonight.” Linn just shaked her head. “Seriously! It wasn’t me.” Isak didn’t say anything and just look on his hands. “Whatever.” Linn said and left to her room. Eskild looked on Isak. “I didn’t!” he signed, but Isak avoided his look. Suddenly bathroom doors opened and someone went to Isak’s room and closed doors.

Isak looked on Eskild, trying to distract him, but it was too late. “Oh my god!” Eskild shouted-whispered. “Is that?” he pointed to the room. Before Isak could stop him he ran into Isak’s room without knocking. “Eskild!” Isak shouted, but Eskild was faster.

When Isak got in the room, he found Eskild standing in door and Even standing next to bed with pillow, hiding his man parts. “What the hell Eskild?” he said and pushed him to his shoulder. But Eskild was way too excited. “Hi! I am Eskild.” He introduced himself and tried to shake his hand with Even. Even still standing here naked, with only pillow hiding his parties, hesitated for while, but then he shook Eskild’s hand. “Even.” He said quietly.

„Okay..“ Eskild was smiling, „ it’s lovely to meet you Even.“ He said. „Finally.“ He looked on Isak. „I will be in my room if you need anything. “He smiled and was gone. Isak closed doors behind him and facepalmed. “Fucking hell.” He said, “I am sorry.” He dared to look on Even. He didn’t seem upset. He was smiling. He let the pillow fell on the ground and walked to Isak. He took Isak’s head into his hand and looked in his eyes. Isak tried to smile. “I..” but before he could say anything, he felt Even’s lips on his. He kissed him back.

“Did he…?” Isak looked on Even, “did he saw something?” he was blushing. Even laughed. “Are you jealous?” Isak looked away, but Even moved his head back, so he had to look on him. “You’re cute when you’re jealous.” “You’re my boyfriend now, of course I am jealous.” Isak put his hands around Even’s shoulders. “It’s actually my job now.” He said and kissed him. Even was looking on him, studying every single detail of his face. “I love you.” He said finally. “I love you too.” Isak said, and dragged him closer.

“Just for record,” Even said between kisses, “he didn’t see anything.”

 

**Mandag**

Isak was smiling. Even stood at his flat whole weekend. They were lying in Isak’s bed cuddling and kissing, sometimes interrupted by Eskild, who wanted to talk to Isak’s new boyfriend.

“Isak Valtersen smiling?” Jonas said, as he met him by his locker, “Who are you and what have you done to my friend?” he signed. Isak didn’t answered. When they entered class Magnus demanded his attention. “Where the hell had you been on Friday?” he asked, “We missed you.”

_Oh fuck. Isak totally forgot they had little pre-game with boys._

“Has it something to do with the fact you’re smiling?” Jonas asked. Isak felt he starts blushing. “Oh!” Jonas said. “Is it Even?” Isak shyly nodded. “How is it going with Evak?” Magnus asked. “What the hell is Evak?” Mahdi said. Magnus explained it to him.

Isak was just standing here, glad for his friends. For the fact that they accepted him.

 

**Tirsdag**

During lunch boys started talking about Evak again. They insisted on meeting Even ‘asap’. After long persuading and Magnus writing to Eskild, Isak agreed to host a predrink on Friday

 

**Torsdag**

**Even**

**Even:**

**Meet you in KB?**

**Ok**

**When do you finish?**

**1530**

**Okay**

**♥**

**♥**

He couldn’t wait to see Even again. Touch him.

“Hi!” he said when he come to KB, Even was already waiting for him. He gave him quick peck on cheek. “I missed you.” he signed and took his hand and intertwined their finger.

They went to Isak’s place. As they were walking, Isak was holding Even’s hand , fingers intertwined, he looked on him. “Boys want to meet you.” He said, as Even looked on him. “And I somehow… agreed to host a preparty on Friday, and I thought… that maybe…” Even stopped. He was still looking on Isak. “Of course, I will come.” He said and kissed him.

 

**Fredag**

Boys came around 1800 (6pm) and were (mostly Magnus) disappointed, that Even wasn’t here. Isak explained to them, that he has something to do, but will join them later.

They have been sitting on couch, drinking beer, when someone knocked. Eskild offered to go open the door and before could Isak do anything, he was already greeting Even with a hug. Even smiled and talked a bit. Then he went to Isak and stroked his back, “Hi!” he said. He didn’t kiss him, because he wasn’t sure, how much PDA is he willing to do.

“Hi.” Isak said and smiled. He looked on his friends, “Guys, this is Even, Even this is Jonas, Mahdi and Magnus. And Eskild.” Even shake his hand with boys. They also moved a little bit, so he could sit next to Isak. He didn’t mind.

As he sat, Isak could felt Even’s warmth and he melted a little bit. It was nice to be around him again. Boys were just arguing about girls and didn’t pay much attention to them. Isak took Even’s hand and intertwined their fingers.

“I missed you.” He whispered. Even smiled on him and kissed his hand. “I missed you too.” Isak forgot about boys and leaned to Even and kissed him.

When he pulled back, he could feel all eyes on him. He nervously smiled and put his head on Even’s shoulder. Soon Even’s arm was around him. “You’re so fucking cute.” Magnus said, and everyone laugh. Isak offered him beer, but Even just shook his head. “Someone has to stay sober and take care of you.” He said. “I am not drunk.” He whispered in his ear and kissed him on neck.

Boys asked Even a lot of questions and Even answered most of them. He seemed happy to be there. Eskild sometimes came closer and touched Even shoulder to get his attention, at these moments Isak dragged Even closer to him, to show Eskild, who’s boyfriend Even is. Even though it’s funny, and always kissed Isak in hair.

Later boys decided to go on party. “Are you coming?” Isak was by that time already sitting on Even’s lap, his hands wrapped around Even. He just looked on Even. “Do you want to go with us?” he asked. Even smiled and stroked his hair. “Someone has to look after my drunk baby.” He said. “Isak frowned on him. “I am not drunk!” he wanted to sit next to him, but Even didn’t let him go. So he was stuck on his lap. “I love you.” Even signed. “And I go with you.” They kissed, for what they earned another ‘Oohh’ from boys.

 

_~~~_

_“But how can you know the rhythm of the music?” Even asked one day, Isak frowned. “What?” “On the party, when we first met,” Isak wasn’t moving. “I saw you with your friends, and I am pretty sure you were kind of dancing, to the rhytm…” He looked into Isak’s eyes. “How.. did you know?” Isak smiled._

_“I am sorry, but did you stalk me?” he asked. “No.. yes,” Even gave him a peck. “since I saw you, I couldn’t stop looking on you.” Boys have been eye-fucking for while, but than Even asked again. “How did you… know?”_

_Isak looked on his hands. “Sometimes you can just feel it, you know?” he said and look on Even. “Sometimes the music is just way too loud, and I can feel the vibrations.” Even nodded. “Though I still can’t hear the music, I can feel the vibrations- so the rhytm.” “Cool.” Even just said and held Isak’s hand._

_“Uh..” He looked on Isak, “Do I woke you up in morning, when I open and close the doors?” he signed. Isak smiled and nodded. “Shit.” Even mumbled. “You can feel it?” he signed. “You pretty slam with the doors.” Isak said._

_He noticed that following days Even closed the doors with more caution, but Isak was awoken anyway. He didn’t mind._

_~~~_

When they went on party the group split immediately. But Even was still standing by Isak’s side. Not long after they came, Even met some of his friends.

“It’s okay if you want to talk to them.” Isak shouted on Even, who just showed him thumb down. “I will find boys.” He said and kissed him on cheek. He wanted to leave, but Even held his hand and kissed him back. He smiled.

Then he turned around and walked away. He wanted to be with Even, but also didn’t want him to be bored. He could see, that it’s not easy for Even sign some of the time, and he wanted to give him some space, so he headed to the kitchen for more beer.

He founded Jonas sitting on couch with some of his friends. He sat with them. Jonas smiled on him, but continued talking to his friends.

Isak was sitting here, in complete silent. Saw his friends talking. Dancing to music, he couldn’t hear. He tried to read lips of his friend, but they were talking to fast, moving their heads. That was a reason why Isak didn’t like going out. He had no fucking idea what’s going on. The amount of the beer he drank, made him want to cry. Sometimes he really hated being deaf.

He just wanted to be as his friends.

Normal.

Hearing.

He felt tears going down. He just wanted to get out. He stood and almost hit someone, he didn’t look on him. He ran away from the house and headed home.

Suddenly someone touched his shoulder. Isak jumped. He turned around. It was Even. “Don’t do this again.” He said. “I am sorry.” He signed. “Are you okay?” he asked, “What’s wrong?” he tried to wipe his tears, but Isak pulled away from him. “What’s wrong?” he asked, maybe little too loud, but he didn’t care. “I can’t fucking hear you!” Even didn’t say anything. “I can’t hear anything. I can’t go on parties and have fun as you do. And I hate it.” He was shouting and tears were going down from his eyes. Even hugged him and gave him kiss in his hair. “I just want to be like you.” He whispered. “I want to hear.” _Again._

Even pulled away from him and dried his tears. “You know,” he signed, “that I love you anyway, right?” He looked into Isak’s eyes. “I love you.” He signed and hugged him. Isak buried his face in Even’s shoulder. “I love you too.” He whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry I am not good at writing smut...


	4. You don't want me there?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak and Even have their first argue, in the end there's another and bigger problem.

**2 weeks later**

**Torsdag**

Jonas came after school and they just had been playing FIFA. During breaks they talked. Signed. After the party, two weeks ago, Even contacted Jonas and told him about Isak’s breakdown, but he himself never talk to him about it.

"Uh, Even told me what happened on the party.." Jonas signed. Isak avoided his look, still focusing on Jonas' hands. "I am really sorry man." Jonas signed. "It was bitchy from us." "It's okay." Isak answered, "It was just bad moment and a lotof beer, but Even helpedme a bit." “So, how’s it going with Even?” Jonas signed. Isak smiled. Things with Even were good. Really good. They spent a lot of time together. Even’s sign language was getting better and they had a lot of fun with that. But there was one thing Isak was more sad about than angry. “Good.” He signed and smiled. Tried to smile.

At that moment Even entered the room. “Hi!” he said, kissing Isak and nodded on Jonas. “I will come later.” He signed and kissed Isak again. “but if you want me I will stay.” He said as he was kissing Isak. “Just have fun, okay?” Isak smiled and stroked his cheek. Even nodded. “Have fun!” he left the room. Jonas looked on Isak.

_Yes, this is what was making Isak sad._

“He’s just going on festival with his friends.” Isak signed. “And you’re not coming with them?” Jonas signed/asked. “We could play another time.” Isak just shook his head and looked on his hands. Jonas touched his hand, to get his attention. “Why didn’t you go with him?” Isak sighed. “He doesn’t want me there.” He signed. Jonas pushed him to shoulder. “What are you talking about!?” he signed. “He can’t stop kissing you and I can’t imagine you two to be separate for longer than two days.”

Isak again on the floor. “So why he does never asks me to go with him?”

“Fuck.” Jonas whispered. He knew how did it feel to Isak. He didn’t like, when people were trying to make him feel normal or just not asking him think because he was deaf. He figured out, that Even didn’t ask Isak to go with him because of that. And Isak didn’t take it good way.

“I think,” Jonas signed, “you should talk to him about it.” Isak just nodded. “Can we play?” he asked. “Oh, are you sure you ready to be beaten?” Jonas laughed. They didn’t talk about Even anymore that evening.

It was around midnight, when Jonas left. Isak got in a bed, but couldn’t sleep. Jonas was right. He should talk to Even.

He was still awake, when Even came back. He didn’t greet him, just pretended to sleep. But pretending wasn’t his strong side. He knew that Even knows that Isak isn’t sleeping. He just put off his clothes and only in his boxers he lied under the blanket. Isak liked to sleep with Even on his side. Feeling his body warm. Even put his hand over Isak and kissed him on his neck. Isak shivered. Even was stroking his arm for while, but didn’t say anything. Isak felt asleep soon.

 

**Fredag**

When he woke up, Even wasn’t lying there. Isak put a t-shirt on and headed to kitchen. Isak was sitting here, with coffee in his hands. He smiled on Isak. “Good morning.” He signed. “What’s wrong?” he asked after he didn’t get his morning kiss.

Isak took his cup with coffee and sat on opposite side of the table. Even froze. Something was wrong. Isak didn’t sat next to him. He didn’t give him his morning kiss. Yesterday he pretended to sleep… Is he breaking up with him!?

He didn’t say anything. He waited for Isak to started.

Isak was nervous too. It's probably going to be their first fight.

In the end Even couldn’t stay silent. “Is it because I was on the festival?” he said. “You could’ve just ask me and I would stay here. With you.” Isak shook his head. “It’s not because of that.” He said and looked on his cup. _Now or never._

He looked in Even’s eyes. “Why did you never ask me to go with you?” he asked, still looking into his eyes. Even blinked. “I…uh..” he didn’t know what to say.

“I didn’t think...” Even was nervous, “I didn’t know if you wan...” “You didn’t know if I wanted?” Isak interrupted him, he was getting angry. “Why shouldn’t I?” he shouted. “Maybe because I am deaf!? Right!?” he stood up from the table. “And I thought you accepted me as I am.” He was crying. Eskild entered the kitchen, but when he saw boys standing on the other sides of table and Isak crying, he quietly returned to his room.

“Isak…” Even started, but Isak didn’t let him speak. “I thought you know me enough to at least ask.” He shouted and left to his room, slamming the door behind him.  

Even was almost crying. He stood up from the table and slowly went to Isak’s room. He hesitated before opening the doors. He slowly opened them. Isak was lying on his side of bed, quietly crying into the pillow.

Even was watching him for while. His beautiful boy and he hurt him. He was ashamed of himself. Of course he knew, that Isak hated when people tried to protect him. He just loved him. He loves him so much.

He lied next to him on bed, but didn’t touch him. He wanted to give him some space. After a while Isak calmed down, stopped crying, just quietly whined. At that point Even dragged him closer and turned him around, so he saw his face. Isak didn’t look on him, but buried his head in Even’s chest. Even put his hands around him and kissed him in his hair and slowly stroking his cheek.

They have been lying like this for while, when Isak finally looked on Even. Even kissed him on his forehead. Isak wanted to say sorry, but Even interrupted him. “I am sorry,” he said and stroked his cheek, “you were right, baby.” He was looking in his eyes. “I didn’t know what to do, and I just didn’t wanted to hurt you or upset you in some way..” he was looking on Isak “But I would love you to join me.” He said and gave him a peck. “You don’t have to do that.” Isak whispered and looked down. Even took his cheek and held it so Isak was looking on him. “I want to go on festival with my boyfriend.” He said and kissed him. To his relief Isak kissed him back.

"I don't want to fight." Isak said. "Me neither." Even signed and kissed him. "I love you." "I love you too."

It took them another tens of minutes before they went back to the kitchen for some food. Eskild was sitting here and little froze when boys get out of the room. To his shock, Even sat to the table and when Isak came from kitchen, he sat on Even’s lap. Even put his hands around Isak and Eskild was watching them. He was staring.

Boys saw his face and smiled on him. “So...” he signed, “you two are okay again?” Isak just smiled.

 

**Lørdag**

Isak was sitting at table, doing his homework, when someone hugged him from the back and kissed him on neck. Even. He turned around and saw Even holding two papers. Tickets. „Guess who is going on festival tonight?“ Even was probably more excited than Isak, who gave him long kiss.

“Are you serious?” he asked. “Yes.” Even signed and looked on his watch. “You better get ready!”

“And I send you mobile number of my mum.” He said. “Why?” “If I die there you have to tell her I loved her.” Isak frowned. “That’s not funny.” He said and pushed him to shoulder.

It was big. Isak didn’t remember to ever see so many people on one place. He was kind of nervous. He was holding Even’s hand, and he probably held it way too strong, because Even looked on him and smiled. “It’s okay.”

It was Gabrielle. As Isak found out, one of Even’s favourite singers. In middle of one of the songs, Even suddenly kissed Isak and started signing. Isak was confused watching him. Even was suspiciously happy and hyperactive. Isak just smiled on him and kissed him. He was happy he was finally with his boyfriend on fucking festival. Thought he didn’t hear any music, he could clearly feel the music vibrations. He was dancing with Even, not thinking about anything else. For few minutes it was only him and Even. Nothing else mattered.

When the festival was slowly ending, Even excused himself, and went on toilet. He was still way too overexcited.

Isak waited for him.

10 minutes.

15…

Suddenly he felt like he saw him running away, but he didn’t know why would he ran away, so he tough it was someone else and just waited few more minutes.

Then he went on men toilets, but Even wasn’t here.

Isak panicked.

He wrote to Even, but he didn’t answer. Isak was walking over whole festival looking for him, but he didn’t find him. It was already one hour and Even still hasn’t write. Isak saw some police car in the distance.

He remembered Even sent him his mother’s phone number. He was desperate and so wrote her.

**Unknown number**

**Hej, this is Isak. Even’s friend.**

**We went on festival tonight but now he disappeared.**

**He wrote me your number**

**Is he okay??**

In the end he wrote to Jonas and headed to him. When he finally was at Jonas house, he was tired and almost crying. “What happened!?” Jonas signed as he leaded Isak in his room. Isak quickly told him how Even disappeared and didn’t answer. Than his mobile vibrated. Isak though that Even answered, but was disappointed when he find out it’s message from unknown number.

 

**Unknown number**

**Hej Isak, police already found him and he is okay now**

**You don’t have to worry, sorry for stressing you**

**Liv (Even’s mom)**

“Police?” Isak shouted. Jonas shushed him. His family was already sleeping.

 

**Unknown number**

**Police??**

**What happened??**

**Oh..**

**He didn’t tell you?**

**Tell me what?**

Suddenly Isak’s mobile started ringing. She was calling him. He looked on Jonas. “What do I do!?“ „I will translate.“ Jonas signed. Isak nodded and accepted call.

“Isak?” voice asked, and Jonas signed. “Yes madam.” Jonas said. “I am sorry we meet at this occasion, sweetie.” Jonas signed and Isak signed back, “What happened?” “What happened?” Jonas asked, “Uh, I am really sorry he didn’t tell you but, … the deal is that he is..” she paused for while. Jonas was looking on shaking Isak. “What?” he signed but Jonas only shrugged. “He is bipolar, sweetie.” “Bi- what?” Isak asked. “I don’t know.” Jonas asked her, what does it mean. “It means, that he is sometimes manic. He can be over excited, happy and after that usually comes depressive episode.” She was quiet. Jonas signed it for Isak, who was sobbing. Liv probably heard him. “I am sorry Isak.” She said. “he won’t probably contact you anytime soon, but I will tell him we talked okay?”

Isak didn’t answered and just lied on bed. “Thank you madam,” Jonas said, “I hope he will get better soon.” He cancelled the call.

He carefully touched Isak’s shoulder. “Does it mean he was manic all the time?” he asked quietly. “Was it all just his sick game?” “I don’t think it works like that.” Jonas signed.

“Should we google it?” he signed, and when Isak lightly nodded, he took his computer and opened internet.

 

**Søndag**

Both boys fell asleep by still lightning computer. Isak woke up as first. He opened his mobile.

He got new messages from Even.

 

**Even <3**

**Oh I love you the way-a-ay you are**

**Oh I love you the way-ay you are**

**Always be faithful to me**

**And near each tonight to hold so tight**

**'Cause I lo-o-o-ve you Love you the way you are**

**Whoa oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh**

**Never lose the charms you possess**

**You-our loveliness, the way you caress**

**'cause I lo-o-o-ve you Love you the way you are**

Isak sighed. He closed his mobile and woke up Jonas.

During the day he recieved more text lyrics from Even.

 

**Even <3**

**I don't want clever conversation**

**I never want to work that hard**

**I just want someone that I can talk to**

**I want you just the way you are.**

**I need to know that you will always be**

**The same old someone that I knew**

**What will it take 'till you believe in me**

**The way that I believe in you.**

**I said I love you and that's forever**

**And this I promise from my heart**

**I couldn't love you any better**

**I love you just the way you are.**

**Stop texting me**

**Please**

**I need some time to think**

After that he didn’t recieve any other messages from Even. He was glad, but also little sad, because he still missed Even.

 

**Fredag**

Isak didn’t hear from Even for five days, but then during his English lesson his mobile vibrated. One new text from Even.

**Even <3**

**I am sorry I hurt you Isak. I should’ve told you that I am bipolar and I am sorry you found out this way. I hope you will forgive me one day and maybe we could be friends again. I love you, Even.**

Isak’s heart started beating faster. He couldn’t breathe. Did Even just broke up with him!?


	5. I don't care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even is bipolar and tries to get rid of Isak. But Isak did some research.

**Mandag**

**Even <3**

**I am sorry I hurt you Isak. I should’ve told you that I am bipolar and I am sorry you found out this way. I hope you will forgive me one day and maybe we could be friends again. I love you, Even.**

Isak’s heart started beating faster. He couldn’t breathe. Did Even just broke up with him!?

Few seconds after that, his mobile vibrated again.

 

**Even <3**

**[voice message]**

**Why** **the fuck are you sending me voice message!?**

Isak didn’t understand anything.

 

**Even <3**

**Sorry.**

The school was over now. He was supposed to go on lunch with boys. When he walked in kantine, they already had been sitting around their table.

Jonas was first to notice something is wrong with Isak, when he sat next to them. “Everything okay?” he signed. Jonas was only one of boys, who knew about Even being bipolar so far. Isak showed him Even’s last messages.

“Is he?” Jonas asked, Isak just shrugged. “I don’t understand a shit now.” He said. Maybe little too loud, because Magnus and Mahdi looked on him.

“What?” Magnus signed. “Even?” he asked. Isak just nodded. “What happened?” After short silence Isak spoke again. “He’s fucking bipolar.” Isak felt tears coming to his eyes. “And he dumped me.” He looked away and tried to change his thoughts.

All boys were quiet.

„What happened?“ Mahdi asked Jonas, but Jonas didn’t answer. He looked on Isak. _It should be Isak who tells them._

And Isak did. He told boys, how Even asked him out. To go with him on festival. And how excited Even was. He didn’t lie about that he actually enjoyed being there. And then, later, how he ran away. Naked.

After short pause Isak continued. About him going to Jonas and later Even’s mother calling him. Jonas translating him the call and boys finding out that Even is bipolar.

When Isak finished, there was silent by table.

 “Do you remember my mom?” Magnus suddenly asked. “What!?” Isak frowned. “What do you think about her?” “What the fuck Magnus?” Jonas asked. “Just answer the fucking question.” Isak frowned. “She’s really sweet.” Isak said in the end. “Why?” Magnus lightly smiled. “Because she’s bipolar too.”

All the boys were staring on Magnus.

“But she seems so…. Normal?” Isak asked. “She’s fine!” Magnus answered. “Being bipolar doesn’t mean you are crazy all the time.” He explained. “Only sometimes she has episode. It’s very hard to talk to her at that moment. And after that she is usually depressed. But it doesn’t mean she’s crazy.” Everyone was looking on Magnus. “It’s not her fault, that she is bipolar. As it is not his.” Magnus looked on Isak.

Isak’s thoughts went back to the festival. He remembered how excited Even was, but at that time Isak thought that it was because they were going together.

“What if he never loved me?” Isak suddenly asked. “What if he was manic all the time?” Jonas clutched Isak’s shoulder.

“Did you ask him?” Magnus signed. “Where is he now?” Isak shrugged. “Probably at home?” “Not physically but mentally.” “I don’t know?” “You hadn’t talk to him since?” “Magnus, he just dumped me over message. I don’t think I want talk to him.”

“Jeez man!” Magnus shook his head. “Did you not pay attention to what I said?” Isak looked on him. “He’s probably depressed now and questioning his own existence.” Isak frowned. “I can’t help him.” “Just being here for him is fine.” Magnus looked at him. “He cares about you and you care about him.” He signed. “Go talk to him.”

Isak quickly wiped his tears and looked on his hands. Jonas decided to change the subject and soon the boys were talking about next week party.

 

**Tirsdag**

 

Isak didn’t contact Even. And Even didn’t send him any more messages.

Isak was glad but also felt sad and empty. He still loved Even. They were happy together. Or were they?

Isak was still so confused. He tried to google it. He went to library and borrowed some books about mental illness. Tomorrow after school he decided to visit Magnus’ mother.

 

**Tørsdag**

After school, he waited for Magnus and together they went to his house.

When they opened the doors, Isak smelled pancakes. In kitchen they found Magnus’ mom, cooking. She turned around and smiled on them. “Hi!” she said, as she hugged Magnus and stroked Isak’s shoulder. “Nice to see you again Isak.” “You too, Laura.” He said. She offered them pancakes. “Thank you.” Magnus started eating, but Isak was just staring on Magnus’ mom.

Magnus pushed him to the shoulder. _Stop staring._ But Isak couldn’t. His mother probably felt Isak’s eyes on her and she turned around.

“Isak?” she talked to him. “Are you okay?” she stroked his shoulder. He just shook his head and felt tears coming to his eyes.

He wiped them. “I am sorry.” He said quietly, blinking fast to stop them tearing down. But it didn’t help. Much more tears were going down his cheeks. “I am so sorry.” He whispered.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, slowly stroking his back. But Isak wasn’t able to answer her question. Laura confusedly looked on her son.

“His boyfriend is also bipolar.” He said quietly. His mother understood. He was in love and it was hard.

She moved Isak’s head, so he was looking in her eyes. “Should we talk?” she asked. Isak nodded after few seconds. She looked back on her son and without any words asked him to leave.

He did.

Magnus’ mother handled him a tissue. Isak dried his eyes, still too shy to look on her. She didn’t push him to talk. After few minutes, when Isak finally calmed down, enough to talk, he looked back on Laura.

“Feel free to ask.” She said friendly and smiled. “How- how do you know you’re not crazy?” Isak stopped. “Sorry…” he looked on his hands, “I didn’t mean…” “It’s okay Isak.” “You know, firstly, you need to know, that being bipolar, doesn’t mean being _crazy **-**_ as would some people say- all the time.” she was looking in his eyes. “But- how do you know you are…” “Manic?” Isak nodded. “I usually don’t know I am manic, until someone tells me.”

“My thoughts are unstoppable. I have really a lot of energy. Usually don’t sleep.” Isak was just quietly nodding. “And after that usually comes depression.” “How did you know you loved Magnus’ father? How did you know that it wasn’t just being manic?” Laura smiled, but Isak could feel sadness in her face.

“Isak, is this about your relationship with Even?” Isak could felt tears in his eyes again. “What if he was manic all the time? Maybe he never loved me?” Tears were sliding down his face. _Again._ Laura stroked his hair. “I am pretty sure he wasn’t manic _all the time._ ” Isak dried his tears. “Sorry.” He whispered. “You should talk to him.” “I can’t.” Isak said quietly. “I think he is depressed… if it same as you said… he ran away naked from festival and then…” he was trying to stay at least a little calm. “he dumped me.” Laura was quiet.

“It doesn’t make sense anymore,” Isak suddenly said, drying all his tears, “it’s over. It doesn’t matter.” “No!” Laura took his face in her hands. “Don’t give up on him yet Isak.” She said. “I know it’s hard. It’s confusing, but I believe that all he does, is to protect you.” Isak frowned. “When I had depressed episodes I used to push everyone away from me.” She paused. “Because I wanted to protect them.” Then both of them were in silent.

“You should talk to him Isak, now, or later when he’s feeling okay again. But don’t let this destroy, what beautiful you have together.” “But-“ “Isak. I know you’re confused right now, but don’t give up on it, okay? It’s going to be hard, I am not going to lie to you, my marriage isn’t easy, but from what I heard you two were really happy together.”

“Okay?” Isak was quiet. “Promise you will at least try.” “Okay…” Isak nodded. “Okay.” He said quietly.

 

**Onsdag**

After yesterday talk with Laura, Magnus’ mom, Isak was thinking. A lot.

About Even, his disorder and their relationship. He was thinking about what Laura told him. Maybe he should talk to Even. Still… It wasn’t his fault he was bipolar.

Even thought he was still angry on him, Isak also missed Even. Maybe way too much.

He was lying on his bed, playing with his mobile. Should he text him?

Suddenly the only doors in his room opened. Eskild. “Hi.” He signed. As soon as Isak moved to here, Eskild learned sign language and almost never talked to him. Just signed. Isak didn’t mind. “Can I come in?” Isak nodded. “What’s wrong?” Eskild was signing. “Even?” Isak nodded again. Then he started signing. “I saw Magnus’ mom yesterday. She’s bipolar too.” He paused. Eskild was nodding. “And what are you thinking now?” he signed/asked.

“That I should talk to him.”

Eskild smiled. “Good luck then.” And left room.

Isak felt back on bed and sighed. Then he opened his mobile and found Even’s chat.

 

**Even <3**

**Hi Even.**

**Can we talk?**

**Please.**

Isak waited few minutes, but answer didn’t come. When he checked his mobile, he saw that Even already read messages, long time ago.

 

**Even <3**

**I am sorry ok?**

**We need to talk**

**Even please, are you ok?**

After few minutes still no answer.

 

**Even <3**

**Can you PLEASE answer so I know you are ok?**

 

 

Even was ignoring him. So he needed to find out another plan. So he opened another conversation.

 

**Liv B-N**

**Hei Liv, this is Isak again.**

**I would like to see Even, can I come?**

**Tomorrow or when you can.**

Isak sighed. _Let’s hope._

He felt asleep, but he woke up later, when his mobile vibrated.

 

**Liv B-N**

**Hei Isak, I appreciate your interest, but I don’t think it’s good idea.**

**He’s not feeling well. Sorry.**

**Please Liv**

**I need to see him**

She didn’t answer him, so Isak felt asleep again.

 

 

**Fredag**

During his last lesson, Isak felt his mobile vibrated. Liv sent him their address. His heart started beating faster.

It was around 16 (4pm) when Isak was standing before big white house. Even didn’t mentioned his parents being rich. He checked the address more times to make sure, he’s on right place.

He took deep breath. Knocked on wooden doors.

He wanted to knock again, when the doors opened. There was standing tall blonde woman. _Definitely Even’s mom, Isak thought._ “Hi.” He said nervously. “Can I help you?” she asked. “Uh, it’s me. Isak.” “Oh!” she smiled, “sorry! Your voice sounds different than on the phone.” Isak looked on his hands and then back on Liv. “That was actually my friends voice, he translated for me.” Liv frowned. “Oh.” _Oh, of course Even didn’t told them._

“I am deaf.” He blurted out. “Oh, I am sorry, I didn’t know.” She said. “Come in.” she pointed. Isak entered. The house was definitely as big as it seemed from outside. Liv touched Isak’s shoulder. He little jumped and turned around. “Sorry. I am not sure, how… to talk to you.” He could see, she’s nervous as well. He tried to smile. “Just make sure I look on you, and talk slow.” He said and tried to smile. Liv nodded. “Even’s room is up there, second door on left.” She said, pointing to stairs. “Thank you.” Isak said.

He slowly went upstairs. _Second doors on left._ Before he opened, he took deep breath.

It was dark inside. Isak saw a big bed and someone lying under all the blankets. _Even._

“Hi.” He whispered. He wasn’t sure if Even heard him, but person lying under blankets quickly turned around. Even was looking on him. He didn’t say anything he just mouthed “Isak.”

“Hi baby.” He said quietly and moved toward to him. “Can I lie to you?” he asked. Even didn’t say anything, but after few seconds he moved back, so Isak could lie next to him.

“I missed you.” He said, as he held Even’s hand. He tried to smile, but tears went in his eyes. “Isak…” Even started but Isak was faster. “I am so sorry.” He said, already crying. “I am sorry I didn’t come earlier.” He put his head on Even’s chest, and soon Even’s hands were around him. They haven’t been talking. They both needed to think about what to say.

It was already dark outside, when the doors opened. Liv looked inside and said something. Isak didn’t understand her, but Even did, because he nodded and answered her something.

“What?” Isak asked. Even looked on him and signed “Dinner.” “Okay.” He said and sat on bed.

_We need to talk. About what happened._

Suddenly Even sat next to him. Isak looked on him. „We should talk.“ Even sighed, Isak nodded. „That should we.“

Both of them were silent. „I don’t want t break up.“ Isak said quietly. Even hugged him. „I am sorry.“ Even signed. „I just don’t want to hurt you.“ Isak shook his head. “I was reading stuff,” he started, “I talked to Magnus’ mom…” he looked on Even, making sure he’s listening. Their eyes met. “I don’t care you’re bipolar.”

At that moment the doors opened again and Liv’s head appeared in room. Even shouted something on her and she left again.

Isak stood up. “I should go.” He said, but before he could reached the doors, Even grabbed his hand and pulled him back on the bed. Isak fell back on bed next to Even. He was avoiding his eyes. Even leaned closer to him and kissed him on cheek. Then carefully on his lips. “I would love you to stay with me, but-“ “Isak interrupted him., “Then I will stay.” He whispered and also lightly kissed him. Even kissed him back.

“Should we go eat?” he asked after while. Isak nodded.

“I love you.” Even signed.

“I love you too.”


	6. Below the surface of sound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isak getting Cochlear Implant. Even is dealing with problem What if?  
> What if what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys. This chapter is important for me, because recieving Cochlear Implant was one of biggest changes in my life.  
> Hope you like it ;)

***2 months later***

Isak and Even talked more about things, in the end they decided to give it one more chance. Even was now almost living in Isak’s room.  They spend most of their time together. When Eskild, Linn and Noora were watching movie, Isak was sitting next to Even, or more like, sitting on Even, who got his hands around Isak.

And when they weren’t hanging at Kollektiv, they usually slept by Even’s parents. Isak was surprised how friendly they were.

Few weeks later he also introduced Even to his mother, and wrote his father, who invited them all (Isak’s mother included) on dinner. That went well.

Things were good.

 

Even was really trying to be good boyfriend to Isak, but lately he felt, that Isak distance himself. He didn’t know what was going on and every time he tried to ask him, he answered “I am fine.” And changed subject. He didn’t want to push him.

 

One day he didn’t have any classes so he stayed at home with Eskild. They just have been talking, sitting by table, when Isak came home. Even was worried about him. In morning he received a letter from hospital, it was lying on the table. Even wanted to rip it and find out, what’s going on. But he didn’t. If he wanted Isak to trust him, he had to trust Isak too. “Are you okay?” Eskild asked Even. “Yeah,” he nodded and looked on the letter. “He’s fine.” Eskild said. “What if isn’t, why won’t he tell me?” “He’s doing just fine.” Eskild said calmly. “There’s nothing he can keep away from his _guru._ ” Even smiled. “He will tell you.” He smirked. Before Even could ask how he can be so sure, the doors opened.

_Isak._

“Hola.” He signed and kissed Even on cheek. Both boys sitting by table smiled on him. “You…” Even started, “You got letter from hospital.” Isak frozed. “Where?” then he saw the letter lying on table next to Even, his hand shook for the letter. Before he could take it, Even held his wrist. “Is everything okay?” he asked with worried face. “Sure.” Isak hesitated. “Excuse me.” He said and left to the room, closing the doors behind him.

Even looked on Eskild. _He’s not fine._ Eskild stroked his shoulder and went to kitchen to clean his mug. Even sighed.

 

Few minutes later the doors opened again and Isak looked out. Even lifted his head, their eyes met.

“Can we talk?”

 

Even closed doors behind him. Isak was sitting on bed, with letter in his hands. Even prepared for the worst.

“Is everything okay?” he asked, Isak’s eyes were slightly red. He smiled. “Can you…” he started. “Can you sit next to me?” he asked quietly. Even did. He was nervous. _What’s wrong?_

“I was thinking about it a lot.” He handed him the letter. “I am going on an operation.” “What!?” Even was shaking. _What’s wrong with you, Isak?_ He wanted to ask, but he couldn’t say anything. Isak probably saw Even’s shock. “It’s not… I am fine. I am going on operation and I will get Cochlear Implant.” _Wait. What?_

Even was in shock. He couldn’t say anything, he couldn’t move. That was way too much. So he’s fine, right? But, … that means... Isak will hear again?

“Even?” Isak was looking on him. “Baby, please say something.” Even made himself to look on Isak. In his green eyes. “Does this mean you will hear?” he asked. Isak nodded. Even couldn’t talk, so he just gave Isak big kiss and hugged him. He felt like crying.

”How long did you knew?” he asked in the end. Isak held his hand and intertwined their fingers. About a month. But officially today.” “And you told Eskild, but not me?” Isak was looking on their hands. “I didn’t want to give you false hope if it didn’t work out.” Even kissed him in hair. “I will love you, no matter what happens.” He signed. “Okay?” Isak smiled and kissed him. Even kissed him back.

He was so happy for his boyfriend.

 

When they later returned to kitchen, Eskild greeted them with big smile. “I am so glad that my baby gay is having so much fun!” Isak started blushing and hide his face in hands. Even just laughed and put his hand around Isak. “I am really trying.” He teased. Isak shoved him off.

 

Next day they went over to Jonas house, where Isak told boys about his oncoming operation. All of them were happy for Isak.

 

Even saw Isak smiling, and he knew he was happy, but also saw, that he was nervous. And he was right. _Isak was freaking out._ But as always he didn’t say anything. Even couldn’t imagine how it must feel to Isak, but he himself was nervous enough. It was a big step. It’ll change Isak’s life.

As they were lying in Isak’s bed, Even pulled away from Isak. As his operation was coming, there was one though growing in his mind. And he didn’t like it. “You okay?” Isak signed. Lately he started using more sign language. Even didn’t mind. He knew it was a lot on Isak lately.

“Sorry, just a lot of on my mind.” He signed and kissed Isak on forehead. “Do you,” he was careful, “maybe you’re slipping?” Even was looking on him. “What? No!” he smiled, “No! I am sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. No.” he kissed him on lips. “Don’t worry about me. Are _you_ okay?” Isak didn’t answer and just leaned closer to Even.

After a while he whispered. “I think I am freaking out.”

Even sat on the bed, opposite of Isak, so it was easier for him to sign. “It’s okay,” he started signing, “I would too, but it’s alright. You’re going to hear, it will be fine.” Isak felt tears in his eyes. “I don’t care if you hear or not Isak, okay?” Even continued, “I will love you the way you are. Alright?” he wiped Isak’s tear. “Don’t be afraid.” He tightly hugged him and kissed him in hair.

 

***one week later***

Even agreed to go with Isak to hospital. Here they met Isak’s parents. They have been sitting in one of white hospitals rooms. Even wanted to leave and go buy some coffee, to give Isak some space with his parents, but Isak didn’t let go of his hand. Even took deep breath and smiled on Isak.

When the nurse came, she asked everyone except one to leave. Even felt bad for staying with Isak at this moment, so it was Isak’s father who stayed with him. Before Even and Isak’s mother left the room, Even saw the nurse to put out a razor.  She had to shave his hair before the operation. Even felt sad about it. He loves Isak’s hair.

When they sat in waiting room, Isak’s mother held his hand. He didn’t notice he was shaking until she held him. He knew he doesn’t have to be nervous, but he just simply couldn’t help it. “I am really glad you’re here today,” she said quietly, Even was glad she wasn’t telling him, that everything will be okay, and not to worry.  “Isak’s so lucky to have you.” “I am lucky to have him.” Even answered and squeezed her hand back. She smiled on him. “I can’t believe my boy is going to hear again!” she said softly and Even could see tears in her eyes. He just shyly smiled on her and for next minutes they stayed silent. Until the nurse came for them again and invited them inside again.

When they came back Even froze. On the bed was now sitting Isak, already in hospital clothes and with shaved head. _His beautiful hair._ Even complained in his mind. But Isak probably read his mind, because he tried to smile and opened his arms. Even came to him and hugged him. “My beautiful boy.” He whispered and kissed him on cheek.

Isak was shaking.

„Hey baby,“ Even was whispering, took Isak‘s head in his hands, „you have nothing to worry about, okay?“ He kissed him on forehead. “When you wake up, I will be here, okay? And your mum and dad too.” He said and looked behind on Isak’s parents. “Okay.” Isak whispered and took Even’s hand.

“I love you.” Isak said. “I love you too, baby.” Even gave him long kiss and stroked his cheek. “I will see you soon.” He smiled. Then he stepped back, so his parents could talk to him.

 

It was almost dark, when the nurse came again. Even and Isak’s father stood up when she reached them. “So?” Isak’s father asked. Nurse smiled. “Everything is alright. Of course, we can’t give him his hearing aid right away, but tomorrow you can talk with doctors. “Can we see him?” Even asked. “Sure.” She said and pointed to Isak’s room.

It was dark here, but Even recognised Isak’s body lying on the bed. They walked next to him, but he was still asleep. “How long will he sleep?” Isak’s father asked. “Probably until morning.” Nurse said. Isak’s father nodded. “Thank you.” The nurse left.

Isak’s parents stayed for a while, but then left. Before they went home, Isak’s father talked to the personal and they allowed Even to stay the night.

Even was sitting in chair next to sleeping Isak. He looked so peaceful. On right side of his head, from ear back on the head was a big scar. Even couldn’t see it because of bandages put over it, but he saw other patients in hospital. It looked scary, but they have been told it will disappear under Isak’s hair.

When Isak woke up, Even was still sitting/lying in chair next to him. He smiled. He was watching him few minutes, until Even opened his eyes. “Morning baby.” He whispered.

 

Later that day, when his parents came back, all three of them waited for doctor. Even waited for them outside, because he felt impolite, being there.

“Operation went well,” the doctor said, “the scar seems fine and should heal in few days, and when Isak’s hair will grow again, you won’t be able to see it.” Isak’s parents nodded. “And about his hearing aid,” the doctor continued, “we have to wait for the scar to heal, and then we will be able to start working on it.” Isak smiled. “How long do we have to wait?” Isak’s mother asked. “Usually around month.” Doctor answered. “Some other questions?”

 

 They have been inside for about half hour, when the doors finally opened. Even smiled on the doctor and entered the room again. Isak was still sitting on a bed. He smiled when he saw Even. He sat next to him on bed and Isak kissed him. “So?” Even asked and Isak told him.

He had to stay in hospital next few days and Even needed to go back, to take shower and change clothes. He unwillingly left Isak, when Jonas and boys came to visit him. He will come back later.

 

***about month later***

Both boys have been lying on Isak’s bed. It has been only 7 in morning, but either of them couldn’t sleep. Today was _the day._ They had to go to hospital again, this time on first try of Isak’s hearing aid.

They haven’t been sleeping, Isak was too excited about it, the fact he will hear again, and Even’s thoughts were killing him. The one specific _thought_ was killing him. _What if?_

Isak put his head on Even’s chest. They haven’t been talking. They didn’t know what about.

 

Of course, Even agreed to go with Isak on his first day, when he will hear again. First he didn’t want to, because he thought his parents and Isak should have some space, but then Isak told him, that boys are coming too. He couldn’t say no.

_But What if?_

They met Isak’s parents and boys at hospital. The mood was something between happiness and nerviness.

The doctor was little surprised, when he saw who all Isak brought with, but didn’t say anything. He led them in a room, divided to two parts by a wall and a glass window. He asked Isak’s friend to stay in the room behind glass window. Even gave Isak quick peck and let of his hand. He tried to smile on him, but felt like he failed. He could see how Isak’s mother was holding hand of her ex-husband.

“Holy fuck dude!” Magnus was more than excited. “He will fucking hear!” boys smiled, Even tried to.

They watched the doctor putting a small hearing aid on Isak’s right ear. They have been talking about something and Isak occasionally nodded.

 

Isak sat on the chair and looked next to him. Behind the glass window were standing his friends and his parents. They were smiling on him, but Isak couldn’t made himself to smile, so he just looked back on the doctor.

His heart was beating faster than ever. _He’s going to hear!_ The doctor made sure Isak was paying attention to him and spoke. “I am now going to give you the Cochlear Implant,” he said and showed him small device in his hand. “The sound level is set very low, and I will slowly put it up.” Isak nodded. “I will talk on you, and I need you to tell me when you hear something.” Isak nodded again. He couldn’t talk. _It’s happening._  The doctor put a Cochlear on him. Isak could felt the weight on his ear and magnet strength on back on his head.

The doctor kept talking, Isak wasn’t sure what about, because he wasn’t able to focus. _He’s going to hear!_

And then it happened. He felt something. A sound. But it wasn’t same sound as earlier. This sound didn’t disappear. It was real. He heard sounds.

He suddenly couldn’t move. A small tear felt on his hand. The doctor stopped talking. “Isak?” he asked. “Can you hear me?” he nodded.

Next few minutes they were setting the sound level, so it wasn’t uncomfortable for Isak. Finally the doctor called in Isak’s parents.

It was incredible moment, Isak finally hearing his parents voices. Again. His mother was crying, his dad almost. Isak couldn’t recognise words. So far everything was just a sound for him. But it didn’t matter. Because he could hear.

He cried. He forgot his mother’s sweet voice. And his father’s. Sounds he never believed he would hear again.

Later, when he calmed down, the boys came. First started talking Jonas. „Hei bro,“ he greeted, “how do I sound?” Isak smiled. “Good.” Isak was still silently crying. All boys got different voices, Isak felt that everything was little hazily. “I can’t differentiate your voices.” Isak laughed. Everyone laughed with him.

Isak looked around. Even wasn’t here. He looked back to the window. He was standing behind him, with tears in his eyes. When their eyes met he turned around and left. Isak was confused.What was wrong.

What he didn’t know, was that Even was hunted by _that_ thought. _What if? But What if what?_

But he didn’t have time to be sad about it, because boys were talking on him again. Isak was laughing and crying at same time.

The doctor told him, that he has to come another day, and they will set up everything, so Isak can take it home.

Later his parents drove him back to kollektiv. Eskild was upset, that he wasn’t there with Isak, but he promised him, that next time he can go with him.

When he finally got in his room, he opened his mobile. He forgot about Even, but now, when he was alone again, he felt sad again. _Why?_

 

**Even <3**

**I am sorry Isak I am not feeling well I will need some time alone, don’t worry about me. Hope you had nice day, you looked happy.**

**Sorry I left. I love you.**

**Are you okay?**

**Are you bipolar now?**

**I love you too**

**< 3**

Isak knew Even read the messages, but he never answered him. Isak was angry on him, because today was such important day for him and Even left him. But also he felt sad, because he didn’t know what happened. Is Even okay?

 

Next day Eskild drove him to hospital on his meeting with the doctor.

Even though Isak wasn’t child anymore the set up was going through child games. Isak had to show on easy scales, where Isak had to tell him how much Isak does/ does not hear that specific tone. Than he was comparing sound level of two and three tones. After almost 3 hours Isak finally left the room. With his new Cochlear behind his ear.

Eskild was little overreacting. Isak was surprised they got back to flat in one peace.

Isak also wrote to Even to let him know.

 

**Even <3**

**I got my Cochlear today**

**When will you come? I miss you.**

Next few days Isak was exploring new life. Hearing life. Again. He watched many TV programs, opened windows and listened to traffic, birds or wind. When he used toilet, he stayed bit longer, repeatedly flushing the toilet. The boys came over and talked a lot.

Life was great. Until it wasn’t.

Of course Isak was happy to hear, but at one moment he felt empty. Or more like overwhelmed. Of course, no one made him to use Cochlear 24/7, but Isak wanted to hear. He wanted it so badly. But then he started to noticing, that maybe he didn’t want to. Maybe it wasn’t such a victory.

One morning he stayed in his room, refusing to wear Cochlear. Refusing to talk to anyone. He just wanted to be alone. In quiet. In his silent world. They couldn’t understand. _Of course, he was happy he could hear again, it just… was way too much._

 

When was outside dark, he finally got up. He took his cover, where his Cochlear was and went out. He didn’t tell anyone where he went. First he even didn’t know. But many minutes later, he found himself standing before Even’s parent’s house. He knocked. He didn’t know who he expected to open the door, but he was little surprised, when it was Even.

 

They were standing here in silent for few seconds. “Can you hear?” Even signed. Isak shook his head and showed him the cover he was holding in his hands. “I am sorry.” Even signed and invited him inside. He shouted something on his parents and they went to his room.

Isak sat on Even’s bed, and Even sat on chair in front of Isak.

“What’s wrong?” Isak broke the silence between them. “You just left,” he stopped until Even looked in his eyes, “I wanted you to be there with me, and you... what? Just left and now you’re ignoring me!” Isak didn’t want to argue with him, especially after so long, they haven’t seen each other. But Even’s presence that day was important for him. “I am sorry,” Even started, “I just.. I couldn’t” Isak scoffed. “You couldn’t? You couldn’t what!?” Isak raised his voice. “Your only job was be there and there talk to me, I was the one freaking out.” Even was avoiding his look. “I just though I can count with you.” He stopped, “Fucking hell Even can you at least look at me?” When Even lifted his head, Isak saw he was crying.

“I am sorry,” he said, “I am just so fucking afraid you won’t like my voice.” He finally explained.

_What if? What if he doesn’t like my voice?_

Isak was staring on him. After a while he stood up and walked over to Even. He hugged him tightly. “I really don’t think I can’t _not like_ your voice.” He whispered, as he was wiping Even’s tears. “I love you regardless of your voice.” Even lightly smiled.

“Do you want to lie down?” he asked. Even nodded and soon both boys have been lying in Even’s bed. Isak also felt asleep soon, in Even’s embrace.

 

Even felt Isak is asleep. His breath was slower now. He kissed him in his hair and got up from bed.

_Now or never._ Even though.

He went over to the lamp and turned it on. Isak murmured on his bed and turned around. He was lying on his left side. Even went over to the table and took black cover from here. Then he went back and lied next to Isak.

 

Isak woke up by Even putting something behind his ear. He opened his eyes. Even was lying next to him, trying to put the Cochlear right. Unsuccessfully. Isak helped him without word. Soon he heard quiet noises.

He didn’t push him. Even opened his mouth few times, but always closed it again. Isak kissed him and smiled on him. “It’s okay.” He whispered, he wanted to put Cochlear away and go to sleep when he heard a new voice.

“I love you Isak.” Isak smiled, trying not to cry. Even’s voice was beautiful. “Say it again.” He whispered. “I love you.” Even said, bit louder. Isak leaned over to him and kissed him. “I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In next episodes I will write more about Cochlear Implant.

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to say, it isn't easy to read people lips. But I made it "easy" for Isak, so it's easier to write.  
> Also, it is my first fanfiction so I will be very grateful for nice feedback (it sure will motivate me to write more, than just this :)


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